Having dreams of holding hands while on a nice stroll through the park after grabbing a little Stumptown Coffee ice cream? Endless streaming thoughts of a romantic getaway? Building a life with a white picket fence in the suburbs? Or maybe travelling the world and volunteering to build huts for the less fortunate?
What do you do when get a text that says something like, “let’s grab coffee?” Do you ask yourself: Is this a date? Should I bring friends? What should I wear? What does this text mean?
If all of these are happening, then you are hardcore crushing. It’s okay. First you just have to recognize that you are in the middle of a crush and then you have to make some decisions. I hate to break it to you, but this is just a crush and will remain one until you get up the courage to wander over to your crush and actually say the words, “will you go out with me?”
It’s time to decide what you want to do.
Do you want to stop having this crush? Yes or No
IF YES: There are a few options:
1. Get up the courage to tell this person that you admire that you are interested and would like to grab coffee, lunch, drinks, etc.
What this will do: It will take the element of mystery out of the picture. Many times it is just the mystery of what things could be like and an imagination gone wild that fuel some of these unbearable crushes.
Often, when you let out the thing that’s been on your mind for awhile it releases all the uncertainty and tension you’ve had surrounding said person.
I know that you may fear rejection, but if you are rejected the sting will last a moment to a few weeks; something that for most is often much more bearable than the feeling of pining after someone for months or even years while getting nothing in return. You might even be able to move onto someone new that could be your next significant other by getting over this crush.
There’s still that “other” possibility, the one that you feel is less likely to happen, which is why you’ve been keeping this to yourself for so long and it’s that your offer might be accepted, but you’ll never know until you ask. So ask!
I’ve had the personal experience of having a crush workout. Okay… I did pine away for this person for going on a year and a half, but when I finally mustered up the nerve to talk to him we ended up dating for four years. Four years! Go out there and get em people!
2. Get to know the person better
This might seem counterintuitive when you’re trying to get over a crush, but for some people as I said before, it’s just the element of mystery that is fueling the crush. Sometimes once you get to know someones quirks, political values, and strongly held beliefs, you realize omg, this would never work! Thank God I got to know them better.
If all this does is make your crush worse still and you want to get over it. See #1 and #3.
3. Avoid, Avoid, Avoid!
Often the key to not having a crush is not seeing the crush. This isn’t an option for everyone. Some people work in a nearby space, have a class or two with someone or maybe it’s your next door neighbor, but for those of you that are popping into that same café every morning to stare dreamily at your barista, find a new coffee shop. If you are living in Seattle, this shouldn’t be hard.
Other avoidance measures:
Delete their number from your phone for awhile: If you think you will need their number again someday, give it to one of your closest friends and tell them the situation (though I’m sure they already know). Tell them that you are not to have access to this number for awhile.
Stop checking their facebook: Stalking got that much worse when facebook came around with access to all of your crushes whereabouts, favorite books, music choices, etc. I know this is a hard one. If you have a really really bad crush that is tearing you apart, I would go so far as to delete them from your facebook if at all possible, just so you don’t even have the ability to see who they’re hanging out with, where they’ve checked in and to cruise through their lifetime worth of photos.
1. Ask yourself why you don’t want to get over this crush?
If it is fear then I would like to redirect you to #1 in getting over this person. Fear should never ever keep you held hostage. I fear a lot of things, like heights, getting stapled to death, and ants, but… I don’t let them stop me. I still stand up on the back edge of risers (those staggered steps in choir) like a champ and I still staple papers together. Fear never gets anyone anywhere ever, except for in last place.
2. You actually enjoy having a crush
Well you are a rare bird. If you are one of the few people that enjoys having a crush because it stimulates some masochistic side of yourself, then go on ahead. Some people say crushes help them produce a large volume of work, like fine art, plays, music, and other ideas. Sometimes they call these crushes their muses. If your crush is your muse and you’re okay with it, then I say, “go on ahead.” If there is ever any point in which you feel like it is draining you too much and you need to finally move on, please see my previous ideas.
Well friends, those are my ideas. What has worked for you in the past? Let me know! Add a comment to this page and let others know so they can get over that never ending crush!