More photos from my trip to Venice in 2010. I really need to get back there!
And the saga continues…
June 16, 1995
I’m out of school for summer vacation. I am so happy because I can concentrate more on what I want to do now. I will work on my math, music, science, everything. I am also going to work on my weight and start my exercising and dancing. I’m going to post my favorites in here.
Fave guys: Josh (for his hair), Paul (nice), Keith (nice + tall), Justin (cute + intelligent)
Fave songs: Scream (Michael and Janet), I believe (BUOS)
Fave friends to hang out with: Tu-lan, Karen, Kandyce, Veronica, Melinda, Becky
Hey, I was just watching Real World 3 and they want to throw this one guy out named David because he was playing around and took the sheets off a girl named Tammy. They called it almost rape.
1. There’s no doubt that I’m a sci-fi person above all else. Sci-fi > Fantasy.
2. Real World didn’t even understand exactly how bad it was gonna get. What taking some sheets off a girl seemed bad to them then? Then they are in for a treat. Is there anyway that they got away without a few lawsuits for sexual assault and sexploitation. Please MTV, please. You should have learned a lesson from season 3, but… you just kept on going.
3. You need to understand the greatness that is both Scream and I believe. Here you go.
Tuesday June 21, 1995 12:24am
I can’t believe that I’m sick during summer vacation. I ended up throwing up two times yesterday but I still went swimming. I can’t stand being sick. I think Kandyce gave it to me.
Hey, the other day I was at Karen’s house and she has America Online, so we went on and were were talking with this one guy named SunyJ (online name). Karen’s was KARRENE. Well he seemed nice when we started chatting with him, but see I had to lie just a bit to get the conversation going. I just happened to say I was 18 years old, going to UC Berkley in the fall and that I was majoring in science.
Then when it got near the time I had to leave he said something. Okay, this is mildly nasty.
“I’ll stick my hard membrane into your tunnel of love.”
But even though most the people on online are sex crazed maniacs it was sort of fun. I wish I had a useable computer so I could get online. You know, you really can get addicted to that. Wow, it’s so fun! I could be online forever!
My foot fell asleep so I gotta go.
1. I threw up! Omg! Y’all I haven’t been able to throw up since then, this is a huge deal!
2. Yeah, I think I actually could be online forever!
3. I think people are still more or less sex crazed maniacs and the fun never ends online.
Wednesday June 21, 1995 10:49am
I am feeling a litter better than yesterday.
I’ve been having dreams about Josh again. I thought I was over him. In the dream I remember being in a treehouse and someone came and told me that Josh would go out with me but I had only a 10% chance. Pretty stupid to think that since 10% isn’t much.
I guess I still like Josh. I really thought I was truly over him. Oh well. It might take the whole summer. Maybe by next year I’ll have lost enough weight to go out with him.
Tonight I have to pack for 2 weeks because I’m going to Riri’s house but I start missing my own bed after one day.
Today is the first day of summer. It’s a nice day. I never really notice how beautiful everyday is and how privileged I am to be alive to see it. I always seem to be complaining but never really enjoying, so instead of complaining about my cold I’ll just be happy about it.
P.S. I ❤ Josh
1. I think I made it almost a whole week without talking about Josh! Yippee! Oh goodness, I guess Nicole loves him now. It went from thinking she was over him to love over night. Apparently weight loss is the answer.
2. For those that don’t know who Riri is, she is one of my moms. She was my biological mom’s partner that helped her conceive me. My middle name Cherie comes from a variation on her name, Sherri.
3. Way to try to see the bright side Nicole! I think maybe you really were just complaining and never enjoying.
Sunday June 25, 1995 6:30am
Guess what! I haven’t gone to sleep yet. I have seen the sun rise this morning just as I saw the sun set. It is so beautiful. I can’t express how beautiful it is. If only it could be like this forever. The sound of birds chirping, the fresh smell of morning. I see this morning that God is real. Not only that but I have realized life and it’s meant for happiness and harmony, but before you can attain that you must struggle and understand how to gain happiness. I do so wish that I had someone to enjoy this with. I never understood what dawn could mean. It’s a fresh start, no mistakes, it is the same with life. I love life!
Perhaps I’ll make my beautiful mother some breakfast. If everyone in the world for just a minute could feel the joy I’m feeling then they have and I have accomplished something.
Do you think astrology’s real? According to my Taurus astrology book, this should be a very good year for me. I am looking forward to the days ahead. I hope when I adopt or maybe have children that they may have the chance to see what I see today. Not a horribly polluted sky and a world so hot you can only go out during winter.
Look at the flowers and the trees. I am happy I stayed up. I am going to cry because of joy, something unusual for me. Okay, either my eyes hurt or I’m happy, maybe both. I think I will go for my goal as a musician, writer, dancer, doctor, actress, all of them. Who says you can only have one goal when life is so full of different ones.
When shall I wake my mom? I wish she could see this, hear this, breathe this.
I have to say. In my life so far, I have learned more about myself this past six months then I have in the past 14 years. I have found boys more interesting (and cute), life a little tougher but a strengthener.
I want to write a book about me. How adults always think a teenagers life is so easy, but it’s not as simple as they think. There is love and war, we experience what adults experience. I have found my title, “Flowers of a girl who saw the dawn.”
I gotta go.
1. Gurl, I hope you made your mom some breakfast, because dang she couldn’t cook a bit. Well… she could cook some bacon in that microwave better than anyone else could. She could also really cook some scrambled eggs in the microwave too. Remember the way they puffed up and looked all crazy when they got cooked in there? There are probably reasons why eggs should be cooked on a stove. As a note, you no longer have a microwave so you’re forced to cook on the stove now.
2. This is literally one of the few nights I can remember without my journal. I remember being restless and anxious, which is why I actually stayed up. I often stayed up at night because thoughts wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t stop thinking about ways I might die because I was a hardcore hypochondriac. Sleeping was always too close to death and I thought that if I could keep myself awake then I could keep myself from dying. That days is the first time I really recall seeing the sun rise. I’m sure I had seen it before, but I think this was the first time I really experienced it and understood it as this fact of life that things turn over everyday. Sunrise is still my favorite time of day.
3. Wow… you can’t take that back but if you could you would… teenager’s lives and adults lives don’t even compare, but it’s so sweet and naive for you to think so. You are so lucky you have no idea what a bill is.
I’m gonna make this short and sweet. You keep promising to write books about something and you never do it. Just make a plan and do it.
Also… I hope you don’t get too addicted to the internet in the future. There are self help groups for that.
Yourself, Nicole Cherie
Things are starting to get weird. Things are only going to get weirder and possibly sadder from here, I’m honestly not even sure myself. It’s interesting re-exploring what it was like to be a teenager. So angsty, so obsessive, so annoying. Wow, I’m almost impressed that teenagers even make it through these years with all their limbs attached. Well… let’s take a ride on some more of the crush train. Nicole is starting to get older!
Monday June 12, 1995
You know what? I wrote this really big long speech in Josh’s yearbook but he wrote this tiny inky dink thing in mine because he was busy.
I feel so stupid. I explained the past life thing and déjà vu thing. I can’t believe I did that! I told him that I like his hair and his cross.
I even put my phone # in his yearbook. Maybe he won’t read it. I pray, please Lord don’t let him read it.
Did I tell you about my Birthday? It was fun, but I couldn’t keep from laughing when we were having a levitation part and séance. Sarah stayed up watching some gross movie about these two people having sex all the time. I went to sleep.
Oh man, I so feel for younger Nicole, that pain of totally putting yourself out there (even if it is via a long meandering post in a yearbook, because most people I’ve known have done it) and getting absolutely nothing back. Josh, come on! You could have written more to the poor girl. Are guys really so dense? Do you think he knew about younger Nicole’s feelings? I still don’t know to this day.
June 12, 1995
If you’ve noticed, I’ve been writing a lot to you lately. It helps me maintain my emotional stability that I need right now. I don’t think I have ever felt this way. Everything with Josh. I love that name Josh, Josh, Josh. How handsome and beautiful it is. I’m never experienced such a high by just saying a name. If my mom knew what I was feeling she would never leave me alone with it. “ooh, you want a boyfriend?”
Well, I don’t. I just want to look into Josh’s eyes and see who he is. Just to know him is all I ask.
I know. I keep repeating myself but it’s hard not to. Just one kiss and I will get over him.
Maybe the summer will help me get over him. It’s always helped before. I wonder if anyone else I know feels this way about someone.
As I said, it is a mystery.
I’m in the library right now, so I’ll go look up some books on dreaming, reincarnation, and witchcraft.
Signing off. Snaily
Nicole, Nicole, Nicole… I don’t know what to say, except for What a gorgeous name!
Ooh… and this is when I was getting all into Wicca and trying to figure out my past lives.
June 14, 1995
Guess what? I don’t like Josh anymore. The other day when I wrote in the yearbook must have calmed me down.
I always have a short crush on a guy. I can’t fix what I wrote in his yearbook. I wish I could explain what I’m feeling. I am going to start meditating so I can see my inner feelings.
Guess what! I had the highest score doing presentations in English. I wrote this poem called Rose Lips (I’ll write it in here for you to read). I turned it into a song and sang it in front of class. It was so cool.
Rose lips, blooming pretty
But what does that matter as you’re walking along?
No lies but behind your back,
Leaves lying on a paper sack
Can you die without dying?
Can you live without life?
What love poor soul of a deadman
All he can do is hope
In a sequence they say, “oldman, oldman.
Why do you live in a card board box?”
“I have done nothing to you,” he says.
“I will say nothing to you,” he says.
“So leave me alone to cry myself dead.”
There once was a young woman he loved so much
She loved him like he loved her
But one day he turned and she was gone like the time
Yet he knew he would see her again.
Rose lips blooming pretty
Leaves lying on a paper sack
I am trying to study dreams and ESP. I want to open my mind and experience things on a higher level. We only use about 10% of our brains you know and I would like to be able to use at least 20 or 30%. I want to teach my future children to understand so they can be gifted even more than me. I am not saying I’m smart or anything, just open to new ways of learning and thinking.
Guess what? I got my summer school courses yesterday. I will be taking psychology (totally cool). It will help me understand people a little more. Also it might help me with my dream club, “dream state.” It helps you understand what the brain is doing.
1. I’m super excited I’m trying to extend my knowledge of some stuff, however… I’m pretty sure I never did any reading in history and half of my English books so I’m surprised I’m going out of the way to increase the use of my brain. I thought I levitated a spoon once, but that’s only after I went to see Powder with Noelle Rabago.
2. I’m gonna spare you all the dreams. There were so many dreams recorded, they might mean something per younger Nicole, but at this point they are the remnants of some long lost feelings and desires and I can’t even begin to understand them 18 years later.
3. Who are you trying to fool Nicole? Over your crush on Josh? We’ll see about that…
I mean… I don’t want to call you crazy, but… you might want to stop obsessively thinking about this Josh guy. At least this is in your journal. Are you saying this out loud to actual people? I hope not, oh God I hope not! Oh shit, you were! You know, at least high school only last four years. I’m so glad you made it through freshman year alive, now you’re on to sophomore, do you know what that means? Not yet, but you surely will on the first day of school in Mr. Allen’s class. He’ll explain it to you and the rest of the sophomores and keep reminding your for the rest of the year even though you all feel like grownups and that you have real problems.
I hope you learned your lesson about writing long notes to people and hoping for responses. If you need a response call them on the phone, it just gets things done a little faster. Well in a few more years you’ll also have things like email, don’t send those either, a response might get lost in the ether of the interwebs. Don’t fret though, high school will be over soon enough and you’ll have to deal with college.
P.S. You love Josh still even if you can’t admit it.
Yourself – Nicole Cherie
Thursday May 32nd or June 1, 1995
My birthday passed on May 15th and I turned 15, my golden birthday. I got at least $300.00.
I didn’t get into Estetica and I am sad about that, but figured singing was just a dream anyway. So I’m going to start better concentrating on my math, English, and science. Especially science because I love it, yet I haven’t been paying attention lately.
I want to go to the University of Arizona in Tucson and get my masters degree in science and become either a lab scientist or some kind of surgeon.
Look at what I want to do, but will I get to do it or will I become a loser and lose my life like others before me that had big dreams.
I am my own person and nothing will tear me down like friendships and things that happen at school. I ask the Lord everyday that I may have a good life, but I know that he can’t help you with simple things like auditions.
Maybe singing was not my calling, but I have a feeling deep in my heart that I am here to somehow help others and not always help myself, but before I can help I need to help myself find myself. I need to first put myself into perspective as if I was one with the world and it were one with me.
I don’t want just the dream, I have made my goal of science and I’m going to stick with it. I promise.
I have been slipping in my grades since the incident with Cate. They don’t really know how much they hurt me, they can’t feel my pain. Until the day I die I will probably remember what happened while they forget me. Now because of something I didn’t tell Mr. Fine this other girl Nicole (see why I hate the name) threated to beat me up because of what S told her. S knew how Nicole would react, yet she told her.
1. Go to U of A in Tucson
2. Do all the work to get to the U of A
3. Go bungee jumping or sky diving
4. Don’t have kids till I’m 30
5. Don’t let too many friends stand in my way or enemies
6. Get a high paying job
7. Start a club called “dream state”
8. Live like everyday is your last
9. Always smile, no matter how you feel
I gotta go.
1. I didn’t go to the University of Arizona in Tucson, I went to the University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, WA. I don’t remember anything at all about why I wanted to go to that school. Why is it so special? Should I go there and get a PhD? I majored in English. Is it too late to change my major to science?
2. Nicole, you’ve definitely made it to 30. I mean… you’ve actually thus far made to almost 33 with no kids. Let’s just see how long you can go. 40? 50?
3. Still working on that high paying job thing. Ooh… I did watch an episode of Body of Proof yesterday that said you can make up to $100k selling body parts. There’s a market eh?
4. So sad to see my younger self giving up so easily. Not meant to be a singer! Oh my, that must be why you’re in a band now and sing all the time. Oh… the life of a fifteen year old.
Thursday June 1st, 1995
I know you’ve been wondering who I hate. Well I hate no one because if I hate them I am the same as them. I do not love them, but I do love them in a way. I know their hearts are better than they seem. I must smilke, but I don’t want to force one. I’ll think of something happy like laying on a field on a summer day. Listening to the birds chirping and little stream just off in the distance while a lizard laps up water.
I also bet you want to know who I like:
1. I bet you want to know who I like right now. Ha, I’m not gonna tell you! There might be someone, there might not be, but y’all I’m 32 now. It’s not on the forefront of my mind. I have other things to do than obsess over boys and crushes.
2. Who do I hate? No one here either. It takes far too much energy to hate and I don’t have that kind of energy to waste either. Let’s see… If I really had to pick someone it’d likely be Bill O’, but honestly “I ain’t got time for that.”
Monday June 5, 1995
You could not understand the shit that I am so deep in. If I don’t do my homework for English and Journalism soon I am going to have a few F’s. I’m not look forward to them. Help! Help! Help! Please!
1. Did I pull those grades up? I’ve gotta know! Wait… I don’t remember any Freshman F’s so I’m going for things must have worked out.
June 9, 1995 “A Whole New Chapter in Life”
I must explain this to you, but you must listen intently to what I am saying. I have talked of a boy named Josh Campbell a number of times but never like I’m about to.
Josh Campbell, the one I like and forever will. I cannot quite explain why I like him, yet I do. And even more than Shawn. Today I found out that last year Josh would cut his hand and say his cat did it. You’d think that would turn a girl off, but not me. That bit of information made me slightly more interested in him. Something about Josh is quite mysterious and unexplainable. The other day I read an essay that Josh wrote about his name. He said it was dark and evil. That drew me closer, all the mystery and wondering.
On Monday or Tuesday I’m going to talk to him about it. I’m not going to make him notice that I like him, but I am going to ask him some questions like, “why is your name so dark to you? “
How do you feel about it? I’m only interested right now on piercing that darkness that wallows within his heart. I know I can do that for him. I have that feeling when I am around Josh. I have the feeling of déjà vu. It’s so mysterious and bewildering. It’s everything about him. The cross that he wears, yet he has an evil inside him. The black.
That is not the only reason I like him. Josh is very intellectual; I can tell by his posture. He is also very talented. He plays the cello and that’s what I am mainly interested in him for. Music attracts me, also his blond hair, sometimes guys with glasses. I know this is just a crush and I’ll never really know him, but at least I can dream.
I could never let anyone see this journal or they would think I’m crazy and laugh. I am just the fat clumsy girl in class, but I don’t want to be seen that way. This summer I plan to lose weight, but it’s not just to get Josh. I’m doing it for myself. I respect Josh and I just want to be his friend. I’m not going to try to kill him like Alicia Silverstone tried to do on “The Crush.”
I’m pretty normal, I thought, but all of the sudden, everyt time I see him I just want to run and hug him and kiss him on the cheek because I feel like we were somehow related in a past life. I don’t know… it’s totally unexplainable, it’s… it’s all in my mind. What if there really are no past lives? What if all I think is wrong?
I’m going to look up his number in the phone book and call him. I must, I must or I will go insane.
Well I must go.
Nicole Cherie Peoples
1. Crazy. This sounds crazy Nicole.
2. Explaining that you’re not going to kill your crush like Alicia Silverstone makes it sounds even crazier.
3. What’s a phone book again?
4. The darkness that wallows within his heart… think on that for awhile.
5. I talked to Josh much later about the accusation that he was a cutter. He told me that was all rumor and that he had actually cut his hand but it was less a cat or intentional cutting and more a cooking snafu. If only I’d known that earlier.
You’re fifteen and there’s not much I can say except for I’m sorry you’re going to have to be a teenager for a few more years. Things are going to look up and down about every thirty minutes give or take for a little while. Please don’t compare your crush to psycho killer movies anymore, they might put you away.
It takes at least 10 more years till your less boy crazed, but… I can tell you something about Josh, no I can’t. Let’s wait, let’s wait, it’s all gonna build to that. In the meantime let’s focus on our other school work.
I hate to tell you this but you’re not a scientist in even the remotest way. I know that you liked it a lot back then especially looking through microscopes and doing tests. It’s okay though… because now you talk about poop with people all the time and weird pathogens. I’ll let you know more about that later.
Also, I wish you would stop worrying so much about losing weight and just worry more about maybe playing sports or eating foods that are actually healthy instead of less of the crappy foods you eat. I love you Nicole and this weight thing is only going to be harder because you’re obsessed with it.
I’ll talk to you soon,
Monday August 1, 1994
Today in class I was sitting a table with Alicia, Mike, Marlene, and Vahek. During class Vahek had a pencil and was doing sexual movements with it, showing it to Marlene and then Mike said, “stop it, you’re turning me on.” Gross.
Later when school was over Vahek said, “have you ever noticed that Indian people are tall & skinny with small heads that look like they are just floating along?” It was weird, but I nodded and agreed with him.
Also, Anne, do you think it’s sensible if you are anti-abortion or against killing other human beings to kill someone else? At an abortion clinic an anti-abortionist killed two of the workers. That is stupid.
Now, about school again. You know how I have been telling you all about the people that Alicia likes? Well, I like them too. Nick is really nice, that’s why I had a dream about him, I’ll tell you about it later. Mike is really funny and nice.
I don’t like Vahek, but I like him as a friend because he’s nice. He is not so conceded as Alicia thinks. It’s good to like yourself and not just think of yourself as stupid and ugly. I admit he thinks a lot of himself, but I don’t mind.
Last thing, I still love Shawn even though I haven’t written of him in awhile. He is great! I don’t know why, I just know that he is right for me. He just doesn’t know it yet though.
Tuesday August 2, 1994
Mike, oh my gosh he is sooo cute. It’s not that he is really cute it’s just he’s funny and nice and cute. I don’t really know how to explain it. It’s like you just want to bend over and give him a big kiss.
Alicia likes him. She again says she doesn’t. How can she not make up her mind. Tomorrow we are going to Quantum, I don’t know what to wear! Tonight I’m curling my hair. I look really funny.
Vahek really wants to play Ouija board. He is so weird. He wanted to make one in class.
I didn’t go to Great America today, I should have, but I can’t get today back so I might as well make the best of it. I still feel very sorry for the people in Rwanda.
1. Are feelings really this fleeting? One guy is cute one day and the next another. It must have been the way one of them said hi to me on one day and then the way the other smiled the next. For the record, I don’t even remember what Nick or Mike looks like, they are names on a page.
2. Umm… Nicole are you lying to yourself? I clearly remember you having a crush on Vahek, perhaps he was just too cool for you to admit liking. He was the first Indian boy I ever knew and I think I was confused about what to think of that.
3. Ouija… that shit scared the fuck out of me. It still kind of does. Who was moving it? Was it you? Holy hell, so freaky.
4. I could not remember what the hell was going on in Rwanda in 1994, so I decided to look it up. Well… things have been going on in Rwanda for awhile, check out a timeline of events, it’s kind of sad and endless. I still feel very sorry for the people of Rwanda. http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/rwanda/etc/cron.html
Wednesday August 17, 1994
The reason I haven’t written to you in awhile is because Sandra put you under my bed and it was hard to get you out.
Guess what? On Monday Vahek decided to play a trick on Alicia and ask her out just for fun to see what she would say. She said yes. Vahek was telling her that he had dreams bout her and him having sex. She kept clicking back and forth from one line to another telling me about her conversation. After we hung up, Vahek called me and started telling me that he had some kind of Secret Life.
He was saying he was a model and had modeled on all different catalogs. He also says he has a four story house. I do not believe on word he said. I think he has a majorly overactive imagination.
My stomach hurts right now, probably from the milk I drank. I need to cut back on the milk and try some water.
Oh and also, Alicia and Vahek broke up. Gotta go.
- Did Alicia and Vahek break up on the same day? Whatever happened to that girl Marlene?
- How hard is it to get a book from under a bed? No seriously, were my arms not long enough? That’s a terrible excuse if ever I ehard one.
- Nicole… you should have stopped drinking milk altogether back then. If only you had known that you actually had a milk allergy. Who’d of thunk?
- I still think Vahek was lying.
Nicole Dear Anne,
I got my school schedule!
1 English 1-2
2 Biology 1-2
3 Area/Law 1-2
5 Women’s Choir / Voice Studio
6 PE – Dance
7 Musical Theater
It’s a long day! 0 period starts at 7:15. Tell you more later.
1. Who in their right mind takes that many classes? I’m tired looking at it.
Saturday October 15, 1994
For the past six weeks since school started I have had the most fun I have ever had in my entire life. I’m getting all A’s. I am so happy. I have been studying really hard for musical theater and on Monday I am going to try out for a solo. I am going to try not to be afraid even though I am right now.
I have been really really busy. Having 8 classes doesn’t give me much time during the day. I joined the Country Club because of this boy that is there named Max. His birthday is September 19, 1979. He is 15 years old and he’s a freshman. He is awesome and really cute.
The other day on Tuesday was “Coming Out Day,” so people that were gay came out. This guy named Eddie came up to us and told us he was gay. Sandra was so surprised I thought she was gonna explode. When she found some of the many people at our school were gay, she almost couldn’t breathe.
I can’t wait till next week. I am doing a story on age discrimination.
Talk to you later,
I ❤ Max
- Gay people everywhere! I don’t remember this day at all, but I do remember feeling like everyone at our “Performing Arts” school was gay. Is performing arts synonymous with gay? Well… not technically, but at 15 it seemed like it.
- Damnit, I can’t find Max anywhere on facebook! I guess I’m going to have to go old school and break out my yearbooks to see what this dude looked like. I know he was Jewish. I had some weird obsession with Jewish people, their history and wanted to convert to Judaism.
Wednesday October 26, 1994
Today at school there were solo tryouts. It was the most awful thing I have ever experienced. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. I don’t think I got a solo. I want to drop musical theater.
1. Aww… Nicole I’m sorry. Technically this won’t be the worst thing you’ve ever experienced, though… I kind of wish it were.
Friday November 25, 1994
It is the day after Thanksgiving. I went Christmas shopping a little. I bought my mom a plate set, it’s black. “very cool.”
Sandra is trying to guess who I like in choir. I could write a lot of people at my school. Names of guys I like: Jacob, Jacob S, Max, Justin, Terry, Shawn, Keith, Pete, Carlos. She’ll never guess. Before school is over I will tell every person on this list that they are cute!
- Annnnnd….. more boys.
- No, I really didn’t tell all these boys that they were cute. I think maybe I’m glad I let that go.
As many of you out here know, I run another blog called Fine on Pine. It’s a photoblog documenting Seattle’s Finest. This last week my question of the week was What is your bucket list item #5?
A list of things to do before you die. Comes from the term “kicked the bucket”.
People either loved this question or hated this question. Why? Well because no matter what, I was asking them to think about something they had not yet accomplished and for some people that brought excitement at the prospect of someday fulfilling this aspiration and for some it brought anxiety.
“Oh man, why haven’t I done this yet?” “When am I going to do this?” “How do I even figure out what would be #5?”
I realized how hard a question this was pretty late in the game, but also realized that I myself haven’t even written a bucket list. Didn’t bucket lists get popular again after Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson starred in the movie titled as such? How many people have written or accomplished bucket lists since then?
Well I figured that maybe it was time to write a bucket list of my own, so here it goes.
My top #25 Bucket List
1. Finish my memoir
2. Write an opera
3. Paint a mural
4. Learn another language
5. Travel abroad for one year
6. Live in another country for one year
8. Complete a triathalon
9. Wear a two piece bathing suit – this does mean I’ve got to finish losing this last 30 lbs.
10. Sing with Adele
11. Get married and have duex children.
12. Let all of my friends know I love and appreciate them
13. Talk to one new person everyday
14. Love myself no matter what I think the mirror says to me.
15. Produce a story on This American Life
16. Tell a story on the Moth
17. Meet Toni Morrison
18. Become a semi-professional photographer
19. Help low income people understand good nutrition!
20. Wake up happy to be alive everyday that I actually wake up.
21. Ski and Snowboard
22. Visit Africa
23. Visit every state in the US and bring home a souvenir.
24. Rock climb
25. Hold an Event in the Sky
Well there’s the bucket list as it stands. I’m sure things might change as life moves along, but I’m pretty happy with this for now.
I asked my friend what kind of people usually writes these lists and she told me it’s generally terminally ill or elderly people. Should we be writing these much earlier seeing as it’s much easier to get some of our bucket list items done when we’re still young and healthy? I think I’m gonna get started on this list, probably starting with slightly lower on the list, more achievable ones. What’s your bucket list look like? Have you written one yet? Tell me your top 5!
Also feel free to write me at email@example.com and I can post some of your stuff if you’d like!
Wednesday June 30, 1994
I started summer school and I have a really nice teacher named Mr. Heller. He’s 6 foot 6 inches tall. He is really cool and cute.
Today during brunch/lunch, Sandra and Catherine decided they wanted to come retrieve me so we could all go to Vallco together. We went to Vallco after class and went to the $1.00 store. We bought stuff and took stuff. Catherine took a porcelaine dog and a gift bag, Sandra some pens and something else. Me a bear necklace, now I feel guilty and want to take it back.
Don’t tell my mom!
1. This was just the beginning of becoming a small time theif of small trinkets and hair dyes. It took me years to get up the courage to stop stealing due to peer pressure.
2. Who the hell is this Mr. Heller? He sounds fine… This must have been the beginning of me being super into tall skinny white dudes. No wonder I live in Seattle, there’s no end to this type of guy.
Monday July 11, 1994
How are you? I am fine today. I went to school and Alicia was nowhere to be found. During Mrs. Helmers class I had to sit by Nick and Gabe. They were asking questions about Alicia. Alicia called Nick 3 times this weekend but he only likes her as a friend. Nick told Alicia that I said I don’t like her that much and I DIDN’T SAY THAT! Oh well. Gabe asked if me and Alicia are best friends and I said no, but I forgot to say we were 2nd best friends and Nick might have misinterpreted that and thought I meant I didn’t like Alicia.
After school I noticed I didn’t have my keys so first I went to the library then to McDonalds, then home to the porch. Gil came at 5:15 so I could get in.
1. Apparently relationships came down to semantics back in the day. I didn’t understand how to communicate what I meant about our friendship apparently. We are no longer friends btw.
2. Gil was my mom’s boyfriend at the time. He often came to save the day when I didn’t have a way into the house. They called kids like me, latch key kids, but in order to be latch key you sure do need a key. Oh well… saved by the McDonalds!
Wednesday July 13, 1994
Right now I am at summer school. This girl Marlene (Fatima) that is going out with this guy Vahek (said Va Heek) is sitting by me and Alicia is sitting across from me. I’m done with my work and so I’m writing to you.
Today I planned out a meal that is 950 calories or a little more like 1000.
This is it
Breakfast Grits + 1 tbsp butter 170 cal
Lunch Healthy Choice 220cal
Dinner Vermicelli + Toast 360 cal
Snacks 1 cup Peaches 200cal
Banana Nut Muffin 50
that’s my menu, then I will exercise later.
P.S. Alicia really really likes Nick.
1. 1000 calories! Who can live on 1000 calories? Well… apparently not me. That must have been the one day I ate only 1000 calories, because the next I surely at at least 6000, explaining how my weight ballooned to 180 in the 8th grade.
2. I think it’s sad that I was already trying to diet at 14, but it wasn’t the first diet I had ever been on. I had already tried herbalife, the cabbage soup diet, and three days of anorexia at this point.
Sunday July 31, 1994
I’m sorry It’s been so long since I’ve written to you! It’s been so busy.
Last night Sandra spent the night and we stayed up till at little past 1am and woke up at 8am. We went to the mall and Walgreens. I bought 2 magazines, Tiger Beat and BOP. There is this actor named Elijah Wood, he’s soooo cute and another named Rider Strong. They are gorgeous! I will paste their photos in here for you to see.
Summer school ends soon and I’m going to miss everybody. Here I’ll name everyone I know or talk to in class. Alicia, Marlene, Vahek, Liz, Elizabeth, Nick, Natalie, Julia, Tasha, Catherine, Mike, Vincent, Herb.
I can’t believe I won’t see most of them ever again.
Did I tell you that Natalie in my class is bisexual? They caught her holding hands and kissing another girl. She isn’t a lesbian though. She has a 19 year old boyfriend and also likes a lot of other guys.
I don’t know if I told you about Alicia and Vahek getting in a conversation about periods. Vahek kept asking Alicia the weirdest questions like, “Can you stop your period? How does it feel?”
Alicia answered all of his questions.
1. Remember how hot Elijah Wood used to be?
2. Remember how hot Rider Strong used to be?
3. What if Rider Strong and Elijah Wood had been the stars of Brokeback mountain?
4. Oh shit Teen Beat and Tiger Beat! Cut out the boys and put them on the walls!
4. I like the way nothing is ever analyzed by young Nicole. Oh… yeah and did I tell you she’s bisexual? Let me move on without trying to figure out any of me feelings regarding this, that’s okay, no biggie.
5. Yo ladies, how does your period feel and when’s the last time a guy asked you about it and didn’t wince at the mere thought of blood pouring out from between your thighs? Vahek was so at ease with his masculinity at such a young age. How did this happen?
Dear almost freshman in highschool Nicole,
You’re growing up a lot this summer, yet you’re still so young. I can’t believe you’re beginning to steal stuff! You’ll grow out of that around 22 once you realize that you can actually go to jail for this shit and that it’s just not okay to take other peoples stuff. Until then, be careful! There’s this time I should tell you about when you almost get caught stealing some Chris Cornell, Counting Crows, and Hootie and the Blowfish CD’s. Is that really how you want to be remembered? I don’t think so.
I’m sorry that you have to watch your calories, but… it’s not gonna get much better for a while. You think you’re ugly and fat right now, but one day you’ll understand that you’re much more than that. You’re probably gonna be a better person for having gone through all of this anyway because you’ll recognize that it’s not actually all about what people look like.
Vallco Fashion Park is still around! Can you believe it? It was one of the worst malls ever, I hope they have upgraded it. Next time you go steal a little piece of the tile for me so we can have it as a trinket.
You’re almost a freshman! Things are gonna be so much better than they were in middle school. Those kids that made fun of you stop doing it, at least to your face. Matt and Ryan go off to some Catholic school and you don’t have to see them anymore. Okay, I’ll write more soon.