Every once in awhile I like to go back and read old diary entries. Not from last year or a few years ago, because… I frankly just don’t write diary or journal entries anymore due to the sheer amount of time it takes my hand to print words on a page, these entries are from anywhere between 15-25 years ago.
There are a couple of reasons why I like to revisit these entries.
#1. Proof that I am 100% more awesome than I used to be as a tween/teen.
#2. Marked improvement in my writing.
#3. Obvious differences in what occupied my tween/teen mind and what preoccupies my consciousness now.
#4. For a good laugh, a real hearty one.
What I realize when I read these is that I grew up a little more slowly than I once thought. When I think back to my childhood I often remember it as a time when I was coming of age intellectually, questioning my surroundings and beginning to fulfill my potential. What I found is this instead:
Saturday April 4, 1992 ( I was 12)
Today I sat around the house doing nothing at all. Then later I washed dishes.
Erma invited us to dinner and we had cake with wip-cream and strawberries on top. I had a little coffee on the side. Hehe and now I’m awake! I got to visit Erma’s son Manuel Jr. He is cute. He is the first baby I have ever held in my life. It’s probably because I don’t have any brothers or sisters. I wish my mom could have had another child. When I get married I want to have two children. One boy and one girl. I’ll probably have a girl first. Oh well… it’s in a long time.
It’s nice talking to you again.
Reflections: Who the hell was giving a 12 year old coffee? Why why why? However, I’m sure they learned their lesson anyway. I was so all over the place I’m surprised I didn’t drop their baby.
What I didn’t remember is that I wanted to get married as a kid and that I already knew I wanted two babies then because for some reason that’s exactly how many I want now! Oh, how little things change, except for I probably don’t wash the dishes anymore.
Monday April 6, 1992
Today I went to school, first math, then Choir, then PE.
I have a crush on this boy named Ricky Hill and I’m thinking about asking him to the Sadie Hawkins dance. He’s so cute. If I ask him, what if he says no? I mean, that will be very embarrassing. Anyways, I don’t think he likes me. Nyree told me he does but how can I possibly believe a girl who lies to people a lot? Well I’ll think a little about it.
Reflections: Why was I hanging out with a girl that was lying all the time? Maybe she was the one that taught me to become such a good liar.
Wednesday April 8, 1992
I’m sorry I didn’t write yesterday, but Keneshia was here till 12:30am. It pissed me off when she left because it woke me up and my mom was a little cranky this morning.
At school there is a new boy who sits right next to me in 5th and 6th period. His name is Steve. It seems like every girl in his 4th period class has got the hots for him. I don’t because I like Ricky, but he is cute.
I went to Jessica’s new apartment (she was my big sister from Big Brothers Big Sisters). She’s paying $650 a month for it and it’s only a one bedroom! Can you believe that? I’m gonna help her unpack. Talk to you soon.
Reflections: I’m so fickle. I can already tell that I might have a crush on this new Steve kid but don’t want to admit it.
Also, can you believe I’m complaining about $650 for a one bedroom apartment in Oakland?! Wow, I can’t believe it was ever so cheap to live alone there with how things sky rocketed after that point.
Oh… and I never asked Ricky Hill to the Sadie Hawkins dance. Such is my life, always letting the good ones get away.
Dear twelve year-old Nicolette,
First of all, that’s a terrible name. We don’t call ourselves that anymore. The name we were born with is great.
Also, I don’t want you to worry so much about boys, one day a boy will like you, but… it’ll be awhile, until then you should just worry about keeping your grades up and doing fun things. You’re only twelve and one day you’ll really miss the freedom of being twelve.
One day you will also get apartments and you will have to share them for the same price that Jessica was paying rent for a place of her own, that’s what happens when there’s inflation. You don’t know what inflation is yet, but you’ll understand in about five years in your high school economics class.
Maybe you shouldn’t eat so much cake. You’re going to have a serious weight problem for a majority of your life if you don’t stop downing all of those carbs. Seriously, go eat some vegetables, I know that you’re not offered them very often, but they’ll help you in the long run.
Well… we’re still waiting on the husband and those kids, but it could happen some day. Don’t worry, in the future you’re doing lots of awesome things like you’re in a band, you write this blog, and you have plenty of great friends. Maybe you should try holding another baby and get over wanting kids so much.
You’ll see me soon enough twelve year-old self, until then, have fun!