Dear Anne (Summer 1994 Part 1)

Wednesday June 30, 1994
Dear Anne,
I started summer school and I have a really nice teacher named Mr. Heller. He’s 6 foot 6 inches tall. He is really cool and cute.
Today during brunch/lunch, Sandra and Catherine decided they wanted to come retrieve me so we could all go to Vallco together. We went to Vallco after class and went to the $1.00 store. We bought stuff and took stuff. Catherine took a porcelaine dog and a gift bag, Sandra some pens and something else. Me a bear necklace, now I feel guilty and want to take it back.
Don’t tell my mom!

Yours,
Nicole

Reflections:
1. This was just the beginning of becoming a small time theif of small trinkets and hair dyes. It took me years to get up the courage to stop stealing due to peer pressure.
2. Who the hell is this Mr. Heller? He sounds fine… This must have been the beginning of me being super into tall skinny white dudes. No wonder I live in Seattle, there’s no end to this type of guy.
3. Vallco…

Monday July 11, 1994
Dear Anne,
How are you? I am fine today. I went to school and Alicia was nowhere to be found. During Mrs. Helmers class I had to sit by Nick and Gabe. They were asking questions about Alicia. Alicia called Nick 3 times this weekend but he only likes her as a friend. Nick told Alicia that I said I don’t like her that much and I DIDN’T SAY THAT!  Oh well. Gabe asked if me and Alicia are best friends and I said no, but I forgot to say we were 2nd best friends and Nick might have misinterpreted that and thought I meant I didn’t like Alicia.
After school I noticed I didn’t have my keys so first I went to the library then to McDonalds, then home to the porch. Gil came at 5:15 so I could get in.

Yours,
Nicole

Reflections:
1. Apparently relationships came down to semantics back in the day. I didn’t understand how to communicate what I meant about our friendship apparently. We are no longer friends btw.
2. Gil was my mom’s boyfriend at the time. He often came to save the day when I didn’t have a way into the house. They called kids like me, latch key kids, but in order to be latch key you sure do need a key. Oh well… saved by the McDonalds!

Wednesday July 13, 1994
Dear Anne,
    Right now I am at summer school. This girl Marlene (Fatima) that is going out with this guy Vahek (said Va Heek) is sitting by me and Alicia is sitting across from me. I’m done with my work and so I’m writing to you.
Today I planned out a meal that is 950 calories or a little more like 1000.

This is it

Breakfast          Grits + 1 tbsp butter          170 cal
Lunch        Healthy Choice                            220cal
Dinner        Vermicelli + Toast                  360 cal
Snacks        1 cup Peaches                         200cal
        Banana Nut Muffin                              50
                                                          Total:          1000    

that’s my menu, then I will exercise later.

P.S. Alicia really really likes Nick.

Yours,
Nicole

Reflections:
1. 1000 calories! Who can live on 1000 calories? Well… apparently not me. That must have been the one day I ate only 1000 calories, because the next I surely at at least 6000, explaining how my weight ballooned to 180 in the 8th grade.
2. I think it’s sad that I was already trying to diet at 14, but it wasn’t the first diet I had ever been on. I had already tried herbalife, the cabbage soup diet, and three days of anorexia at this point.

Sunday July 31, 1994enhanced-buzz-6036-1302720363-25
Dear Anne,
I’m sorry It’s been so long since I’ve written to you! It’s been so busy.
Last night Sandra spent the night and we stayed up till at little past 1am and woke up at 8am. We went to the mall and Walgreens. I bought 2 magazines, Tiger Beat and BOP.  There is this actor named Elijah Wood, he’s soooo cute and another named Rider Strong. They are gorgeous! I will paste their photos in here for you to see.
Summer school ends soon and I’m going to miss everybody. Here I’ll name everyone I know or talk to in class. Alicia, Marlene, Vahek, Liz, Elizabeth, Nick, Natalie, Julia, Tasha, Catherine, Mike, Vincent, Herb.
I can’t believe I won’t see most of them ever again.
Did I tell you that Natalie in my class is bisexual? They caught her holding hands and kissing another girl. She isn’t a lesbian though. She has a 19 year old boyfriend and also likes a lot of other guys.
    I don’t know if I told you about Alicia and Vahek getting in a conversation about periods. Vahek kept asking Alicia the weirdest questions like, “Can you stop your period? How does it feel?”
Alicia answered all of his questions.

Yours,

Nicole

Reflections:
1. Remember how hot Elijah Wood used to be?
2. Remember how hot Rider Strong used to be?
3. What if Rider Strong and Elijah Wood had been the stars of Brokeback mountain?
4. Oh shit Teen Beat and Tiger Beat! Cut out the boys and put them on the walls!
4. I like the way nothing is ever analyzed by young Nicole. Oh… yeah and did I tell you she’s bisexual? Let me move on without trying to figure out any of me feelings regarding this, that’s okay, no biggie.
5. Yo ladies, how does your period feel and when’s the last time a guy asked you about it and didn’t wince at the mere thought of blood pouring out from between your thighs? Vahek was so at ease with his masculinity at such a young age. How did this happen?

Dear almost freshman in highschool Nicole,
You’re growing up a lot this summer, yet you’re still so young. I can’t believe you’re beginning to steal stuff! You’ll grow out of that around 22 once you realize that you can actually go to jail for this shit and that it’s just not okay to take other peoples stuff. Until then, be careful! There’s this time I should tell you about when you almost get caught stealing some Chris Cornell, Counting Crows, and Hootie and the Blowfish CD’s. Is that really how you want to be remembered? I don’t think so.
I’m sorry that you have to watch your calories, but… it’s not gonna get much better for a while. You think you’re ugly and fat right now, but one day you’ll understand that you’re much more than that. You’re probably gonna be a better person for having gone through all of this anyway because you’ll recognize that it’s not actually all about what people look like.
Vallco Fashion Park is still around! Can you believe it? It was one of the worst malls ever, I hope they have upgraded it. Next time you go steal a little piece of the tile for me so we can have it as a trinket.
You’re almost a freshman! Things are gonna be so much better than they were in middle school. Those kids that made fun of you stop doing it, at least to your face. Matt and Ryan go off to some Catholic school and you don’t have to see them anymore. Okay, I’ll write more soon.

Love,
Nicole Cherie

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3 thoughts on “Dear Anne (Summer 1994 Part 1)

  1. Naming your journal Anne shows something deep and respectful is going on with you back in the day. As I recall there was a lot going on with you. You were always interesting and so very intelligent. Keep posting these oldies, it helps me get a handle on feeling pushed away by you then. I’ve not had children, so I ‘m told I see you through the lens of a kid. I still have questions, these postings do help me. The stealing, well, it was a rush, a way of being in control and getting a reward. I’m glad you weren’t caught.
    You had a singularly difficult set of circumstances to grow through and to see how you dealt is very helpful for this one who loves you like life.

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