And the saga continues…
June 16, 1995
I’m out of school for summer vacation. I am so happy because I can concentrate more on what I want to do now. I will work on my math, music, science, everything. I am also going to work on my weight and start my exercising and dancing. I’m going to post my favorites in here.
Fave guys: Josh (for his hair), Paul (nice), Keith (nice + tall), Justin (cute + intelligent)
Fave songs: Scream (Michael and Janet), I believe (BUOS)
Fave friends to hang out with: Tu-lan, Karen, Kandyce, Veronica, Melinda, Becky
Hey, I was just watching Real World 3 and they want to throw this one guy out named David because he was playing around and took the sheets off a girl named Tammy. They called it almost rape.
1. There’s no doubt that I’m a sci-fi person above all else. Sci-fi > Fantasy.
2. Real World didn’t even understand exactly how bad it was gonna get. What taking some sheets off a girl seemed bad to them then? Then they are in for a treat. Is there anyway that they got away without a few lawsuits for sexual assault and sexploitation. Please MTV, please. You should have learned a lesson from season 3, but… you just kept on going.
3. You need to understand the greatness that is both Scream and I believe. Here you go.
Tuesday June 21, 1995 12:24am
I can’t believe that I’m sick during summer vacation. I ended up throwing up two times yesterday but I still went swimming. I can’t stand being sick. I think Kandyce gave it to me.
Hey, the other day I was at Karen’s house and she has America Online, so we went on and were were talking with this one guy named SunyJ (online name). Karen’s was KARRENE. Well he seemed nice when we started chatting with him, but see I had to lie just a bit to get the conversation going. I just happened to say I was 18 years old, going to UC Berkley in the fall and that I was majoring in science.
Then when it got near the time I had to leave he said something. Okay, this is mildly nasty.
“I’ll stick my hard membrane into your tunnel of love.”
But even though most the people on online are sex crazed maniacs it was sort of fun. I wish I had a useable computer so I could get online. You know, you really can get addicted to that. Wow, it’s so fun! I could be online forever!
My foot fell asleep so I gotta go.
1. I threw up! Omg! Y’all I haven’t been able to throw up since then, this is a huge deal!
2. Yeah, I think I actually could be online forever!
3. I think people are still more or less sex crazed maniacs and the fun never ends online.
Wednesday June 21, 1995 10:49am
I am feeling a litter better than yesterday.
I’ve been having dreams about Josh again. I thought I was over him. In the dream I remember being in a treehouse and someone came and told me that Josh would go out with me but I had only a 10% chance. Pretty stupid to think that since 10% isn’t much.
I guess I still like Josh. I really thought I was truly over him. Oh well. It might take the whole summer. Maybe by next year I’ll have lost enough weight to go out with him.
Tonight I have to pack for 2 weeks because I’m going to Riri’s house but I start missing my own bed after one day.
Today is the first day of summer. It’s a nice day. I never really notice how beautiful everyday is and how privileged I am to be alive to see it. I always seem to be complaining but never really enjoying, so instead of complaining about my cold I’ll just be happy about it.
P.S. I ❤ Josh
1. I think I made it almost a whole week without talking about Josh! Yippee! Oh goodness, I guess Nicole loves him now. It went from thinking she was over him to love over night. Apparently weight loss is the answer.
2. For those that don’t know who Riri is, she is one of my moms. She was my biological mom’s partner that helped her conceive me. My middle name Cherie comes from a variation on her name, Sherri.
3. Way to try to see the bright side Nicole! I think maybe you really were just complaining and never enjoying.
Sunday June 25, 1995 6:30am
Guess what! I haven’t gone to sleep yet. I have seen the sun rise this morning just as I saw the sun set. It is so beautiful. I can’t express how beautiful it is. If only it could be like this forever. The sound of birds chirping, the fresh smell of morning. I see this morning that God is real. Not only that but I have realized life and it’s meant for happiness and harmony, but before you can attain that you must struggle and understand how to gain happiness. I do so wish that I had someone to enjoy this with. I never understood what dawn could mean. It’s a fresh start, no mistakes, it is the same with life. I love life!
Perhaps I’ll make my beautiful mother some breakfast. If everyone in the world for just a minute could feel the joy I’m feeling then they have and I have accomplished something.
Do you think astrology’s real? According to my Taurus astrology book, this should be a very good year for me. I am looking forward to the days ahead. I hope when I adopt or maybe have children that they may have the chance to see what I see today. Not a horribly polluted sky and a world so hot you can only go out during winter.
Look at the flowers and the trees. I am happy I stayed up. I am going to cry because of joy, something unusual for me. Okay, either my eyes hurt or I’m happy, maybe both. I think I will go for my goal as a musician, writer, dancer, doctor, actress, all of them. Who says you can only have one goal when life is so full of different ones.
When shall I wake my mom? I wish she could see this, hear this, breathe this.
I have to say. In my life so far, I have learned more about myself this past six months then I have in the past 14 years. I have found boys more interesting (and cute), life a little tougher but a strengthener.
I want to write a book about me. How adults always think a teenagers life is so easy, but it’s not as simple as they think. There is love and war, we experience what adults experience. I have found my title, “Flowers of a girl who saw the dawn.”
I gotta go.
1. Gurl, I hope you made your mom some breakfast, because dang she couldn’t cook a bit. Well… she could cook some bacon in that microwave better than anyone else could. She could also really cook some scrambled eggs in the microwave too. Remember the way they puffed up and looked all crazy when they got cooked in there? There are probably reasons why eggs should be cooked on a stove. As a note, you no longer have a microwave so you’re forced to cook on the stove now.
2. This is literally one of the few nights I can remember without my journal. I remember being restless and anxious, which is why I actually stayed up. I often stayed up at night because thoughts wouldn’t stop and I couldn’t stop thinking about ways I might die because I was a hardcore hypochondriac. Sleeping was always too close to death and I thought that if I could keep myself awake then I could keep myself from dying. That days is the first time I really recall seeing the sun rise. I’m sure I had seen it before, but I think this was the first time I really experienced it and understood it as this fact of life that things turn over everyday. Sunrise is still my favorite time of day.
3. Wow… you can’t take that back but if you could you would… teenager’s lives and adults lives don’t even compare, but it’s so sweet and naive for you to think so. You are so lucky you have no idea what a bill is.
I’m gonna make this short and sweet. You keep promising to write books about something and you never do it. Just make a plan and do it.
Also… I hope you don’t get too addicted to the internet in the future. There are self help groups for that.
Yourself, Nicole Cherie